Even before the pandemic, many of our adult children with ASD or intellectual disabilities said they wanted a girlfriend or boyfriend. Now that everything is opening up, love is in the air.
We all want love. Matchmaking is big business, given the pandemic and shows like “Million Dollar Matchmaker,” and “Indian Matchmaking.” The matchmakers apparently charge between $500 and $25,000 or more. It’s a jungle out there, and if it is tough for non-autistics, I can only imagine how it feels for those on the spectrum.
One of the sweetest shows out there is Love on the Spectrum, on Netflix. It’s a four-part documentary of young adults on the autism spectrum trying to find love. The characters melt your heart. They are so honest and are trying so hard. Sigh. A second season is supposedly coming soon.
So what is a lonely heart to do? If your adult child is on the spectrum, I recommend that they enroll in online or in-person coaching from AANE, see here. Also they may want to join an AANE support group, to talk about their efforts and maybe come up with a plan. See here. Another good idea is to enroll in the PEERS program, which is starting up in August, in person near the Bridgewater area, see here. Mary Fox, who runs the program, says dating is a hot topic, and 4 of the 16 sessions are about dating.
If your child is intellectually disabled, probably the best thing you can do is to make sure they are involved in various programming and recreation where they can meet people and interact. We run a Special Olympics Xtra Mile club in Wellesley that will start again in the fall, on Tuesdays at 7 p.m. — email me if you are interested.
All this talk of love reminds me of my very brief but hilarious encounter with Owen Suskind, star of Life, Animated: A Story of Sidekicks, Heroes, and Autism, by Ron Suskin. In his book, Suskind describes how he managed to connect with his autistic son, Owen, through Disney characters. Owen memorized dozens of Disney movies, and used the quotes to learn language and express himself. The book is a delight, as is the documentary movie: Life, Animated.
The Suskins gave a talk in Boston about their book, and although Ron did most of the talking, Owen spoke too. Owen was maybe 25 at the time, and most of what he talked about was his need for a girlfriend. I sat near the front, and Owen noticed me. As soon as the presentation was over, Owen made a bee-line for me and asked me about my child. I said he was a boy, and that was that. He immediately ran away to speak to someone else. No time for small talk — he was a man on a mission.
Ah. love.